We have had quite a few negative reactions when it comes to mine and Darin's decision to allow God to bless us as He will in regards to our family size. Some of the negative reactions were extreme. Darin and I felt powerless to do anything about the harsh treatment we received. Usually when one makes up their mind to feel a certain way, it's just about impossible to change their minds. We prayed about it. There was nothing else we could do.
While I talked with God about it, I remembered Moses' conversation with God in Exodus after the children of Israel worshiped the golden calf. God told Moses to stand back so He could destroy them. Moses replied, "Lord, why does Your wrath burn hot against Your people whom You have brought out of the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand? Why should the Egyptians speak, and say, 'He brought them out to harm them, to kill them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth'?"
I thought of that conversation and kind of felt like Moses. Darin and I have said that we are allowing God to decide the size of our family and I didn't want the people who were angry with Darin and me to be able to one day look at our family and say something like, "WELL. Look what God did. Gave them a baby with Down's Syndrome." I have been begging God for healthy children because I did not want to give those people any excuse to badmouth God's provision. I didn't want them to be able to say anything bad about our trust in Him or our relationship with Him (i.e. we're misguided).
A couple of weeks ago, I was studying in a book titled "Affliction" by Edith Schaeffer. It is part of Ben's curriculum for this year. It's about......affliction! ;-) Chapter 4 is about what happens when we handle affliction faithfully. When we're faithful, and refuse to turn our backs on God ("though He slay me, yet will I trust Him!" - Go Job!) it's a victory for God in His battle against Satan. Concerning Job's struggles, Edith Schaeffer wrote:
"It was a battle in the heavenlies and demonstrated that the action and reaction of a human being has significance in the victory that takes place in the heavenlies. Satan attacks God through attempts to make His children stop trusting their Heavenly Father and start complaining and murmuring against Him....The victory for God against Satan is when - one by one - God's people continue to love Him and trust Him in the midst of unchanging circumstances."
What really hit me was this: "...each individual defeat - where we insist on proving our closeness to the Lord by some false "pushing aside" of the affliction, instead of willingly accepting His answer and His subsequent grace to go on - will also have far-reaching results in a negative way...It is important not to allow the loud noises of people (who clamor for us to "prove it" by having a miracle change the circumstances) drown out the answer that the Lord gives us...If His answer is to change the circumstances and give us relief, then we thank Him and worship Him who is "able to do all things." But if His answer is as it was to Paul, that the "thorn" is not to be removed, but that He will give His sufficient grace to go on, a moment at a time, then we are to answer as Jesus did, "Thy will be done." Or "Not as I will, but as Thou wilt." Which is the greatest victory?"
I don't think it's wrong for me to want healthy children. What mother wouldn't? I think where I was wrong was in trying to close any doors that God might open for our family through affliction. What if we did have a Down's Syndrome baby, or worse? I know Darin and I would love that baby as fiercely as we do the other six. And if we did it right, maybe our affliction might turn the heads of those who think we're insane and irresponsible in "trusting God." Maybe. Maybe not. But rather than crying about an afflliction and hoping to avert it, I set myself up for failure and *I* disappoint God (it's never the other way around!) with my lack of faith in Him in all circumstances.
What amazes me most is the peace there is in saying to God, "do whatever you think is best." For real. I said that before, but then prayed to be spared any challenges where our children are concerned. But now I feel the abandon for God's plan that I think He's been hoping I would feel all this time. A friend once told me, "Why should I worry about it? Let God make the decisions." She's right.
1 Peter 4:19 says, "Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator."
He is faithful. Everything that happens in our world will somehow work out to bring glory to God (per Revelation!). I can trust Him and not worry about what others will say. Proverbs 29:25: The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe."
