Always on My Mind

We should get the results of Ben's test that he just took in three weeks.  I was nervous for him but when we picked him up after it was over, he said, "no sweat!"  Good thing.  I was imagining him saying something like, "Man, Mom, that was HARD.  It turns out you've been a really bad teacher all these years.  I didn't know ANYTHING on that test!"  ;-) 

I am one of those people who get hit by the obvious things fairly often.  Seems like they are things I should have understood from the beginning, and maybe I do, but one day, a thought will hit me as if it were the first time and send me reeling.  Yesterday I was watching Ben interact with his brothers and sisters.  I remembered when he was a young guy, seeing a young adult man - probably around Ben's age now - play with Ben and I thought how nice it would be to see Ben grow into the kind of sweet guy that young man was.  And I remember thinking how the mother of that young man had it made.  Her job was practically finished and it looked as if she was turning out a good egg.  All she had left to do was coast through the last few years of raising him before sitting down to rest on her childrearing laurels. 

Here's where my thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks.  Ben may grow up, leave the house, get married, have children, a job and a great life, but my care and concern for him will never be over to the point where I will never worry over his choices, his character, his relationship with God.  He literally is my baby for life.  Reminds me of "Love You Forever".  How fun would it be to drive over to Ben's house, climb a ladder to his bedroom window and rock him and sing while he sleeps. :-)

New Territory

So much going on.  I have so many ideas for blog entries but no brain power to get the ideas out of my head.  I never realized what a luxury the ability and time to concentrate on *one* thing is.  I realized last week that my boy will need to take the PSAT in the fall.  He'll be a sophomore and this new territory that we're entering has me carrying around a brown bag to breathe in on a regular basis.  He has never taken a standardized test in his life and I feel the pressure for him to do well!  *breathe!*

Our first reversal blessing, Henry, turned 4 over the weekend.  He is also leading me into new territory.  The first three blessings were pretty average kids.  Henry is full-time on-the-go.  His little brain constantly needs stimulation, so I have been doing "school" with him for the last year and a half.  The kid has a memory that astouds, and a vocabulary that equals Ben's, our 9th grader.  When he was a babe, not even a year old, we were so excited about teaching him Baby Signs.  We quickly gave it up because he was speaking the word along with the sign we were teaching him.  How to keep up with this boy is daily in my thoughts and prayers.

Lydia is 11 - will be 12 in June and is blossoming into a young woman.  I don't remember much interaction with my own Mom about things like this, so I've got one of my buds on speed dial, getting her advice on this or that.  I miss the preschooler years when she would sing "Whisper a Prayer" to me using sign language.  I think I just about made her sing it to me every day.  What a sweet little voice....and those little fingers making the signs!  It's so hard to believe that she's so far beyond that and moving into so many new things.  I'd like to keep her with me far longer than I will probably be allowed to.

Jack, who is 9, has been my "math challenge."  He is such a smart kid, and very observant.  But he hates math and pencils/pens (anything to do with writing) that I have had to work extra hard, especially this year, at getting him to learn to love it all...I've been working overtime on finding fun ways to involve him wholeheartedly in his schoolwork.  Some have worked, some have not, but I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.  He is starting to go off on his own for a few things, and I find I miss having him curled up beside me on the couch reading aloud to me, or him narrating his latest writing assignment to me as I write it down.  At the same time, I'm energized, thinking about new directions for his schoolwork and all the ways we can expand now.

My two baby girls are stretching me.  I thought I was already stretched as far as I could go, but they need attention from me.  Of course, at 2, Sophia is able to articulate her needs very clearly.  She's so cute with her, "Mama?"  (she'll repeat until I say, "Sophia?")  Then she says, "M'ere, Mama!  M'ere!"  She usually wants to read a book or for me to help her color a princess or baby coloring page.  Is it awful to say that there are times when I have to make myself drop what I'm doing to go to her?  My goal is for my kids to be the most important part of my day, but boy, I hold on to my to-do list so tightly.  I guess if I have to have someone teach me to chill out on the never-ending chores, it's great that it's Sophia and Grace.  They are SO PRECIOUS.  I love having girls!