Potential Brothers and Sisters

I recently read a blog post written by John MacArthur, titled Our Primary Concern about political involvement and a Christian's role in the political scene.  A paragraph in the post stuck out at me and has been haunting my thoughts since I read it:

When the church takes a stance that emphasizes political activism and social moralizing, it always diverts energy and resources away from evangelization. Such an antagonistic position toward the established secular culture invariably leads believers to feel hostile not only to unsaved government leaders with whom they disagree, but also antagonistic toward the unsaved residents of that culture—neighbors and fellow citizens they ought to love, pray for, and share the gospel with. To me it is unthinkable that we become enemies of the very people we seek to win to Christ, our potential brothers and sisters in the Lord.

This was very convicting.  I have to admit that when I saw John Edward's daughter on t.v., talking about how she wanted to help her Dad campaign because she loved him and wanted to spend the time with him, I was befuddled.  I thought, "Really?"  I'm ashamed to admit this.  :-/  But without realizing it, I have begun to feel "antagonistic" to those that I disagree with politically. 

More to pray and work on as God continues to beat out the ugly in me.  ;-)

U.S. Birth Rates Rise

U.S. birth rates rise, media finds negative story

Jeff Johnson - OneNewsNow.com - 1/25/2008 4:00:00 AM

Birth rates are up in the United States, and most are saying that's a good thing. But Associated Press began its reporting of the highest U.S. birth rate in 45 years with a negative spin -- describing Americans as "bucking the trend in many other wealthy industrialized nations." However, Carrie Gordon Earll of Focus on the Family has a different take.

"We consider this to be very positive," she reports.

But according to Associated Press, unnamed experts blame the rise on "a mix of reasons, [including] a decline in contraceptive use, a drop in access to abortion, poor education and poverty." Other media reports blamed lack of career opportunities for the increase in U.S. fertility rates. But Earll thinks the media may be missing the real reasons behind the shift.

"What it says is, to a great degree, Americans are still pro-baby. They are pro-child, and they're having children," she points out. "And we think that also speaks to the resilient message of the pro-life movement -- that children are a good thing, they are blessing, and that we want to be having them.

In light of the negative reports, Earll warns media consumers to take any analysis of new statistics propagated by the mainstream media with a grain of salt. "You do need to take into consideration their political and ideological perspective," she maintains, "because that will have an impact on how they interpret the data."

I find this sentence from the story amazing and it just leaves me speechless and sad:
Other media reports blamed lack of career opportunities for the increase in U.S. fertility rates.

Well, okay.  A lot of thoughts go around in my head on this topic, but it's almost painful to think that I would need to point out that having children could actually be more fulfilling than a career and that I and thousands (millions???) of other mothers have not had children simply because we couldn't get a job.  It just seems like something that is too obvious.  Or is it just me?

Ditching Parenting Books!

Since chucking all our parenting books in favor of solely relying on the Bible as our parenting guide, a couple of things have occurred to me.  First of all, if you're interested, I wrote a couple of posts on ditching the parenting books here and here .

What I've learned:
1) The focus on learning styles has really messed us up as parents.  All the time my pal and I were discussing what parenting tricks would work best for our kids and their styles - what would our kids respond to?  So because we were reading parenting books that touted different parenting tricks for different behaviors and different kids, we lost the focus on the behavior that needed changing.  We were focused on what was working or not working (really, nothing "worked."  That was why we kept looking for new books!), and what other books we could find that would give us more parenting tricks that might work better at changing behavior.  I personally never stuck with anything from all those books which made me inconsistent with my children. 

2)  Since picking up the Bible with my kids and using it as my one and only parenting tool, I realize that learning styles have little or nothing to do with the plain fact that my kids are sinners in need of someone to tell them that.  In a nice way, of course.  ;-)  I don't need some special tricks or mantras when I pull out our Bible to chat with my kids about their problems with anger, laziness, lying, & etc.  The Bible gives my kids all the info they need about how God loves them and what He expects from His children.  The Bible is ENOUGH.  What does Psalm 119:9 say?  "How can a young man cleanse his way?  By taking heed according to Your Word."

3)  I don't know my Bible as well as I wish I did!  ;-)  I rely heavily on For Instructions in Righteousness from Doorposts.  This book has all the behaviors you'll ever come across in your kids referenced with scriptures pertaining to each.  What a blessing it has been.

4)  God is merciful and makes promises to us struggling parents.  Philippians 1:6 comes to mind.  "...He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."  I trust that He will lead my children in His ways as they hear His Word and it is a relief to know that He has them in His hands and is working on their hearts and minds in a way that I never could with parenting tricks. 

 

The Fam

 

Heart Monitor

I wrote the following for our homeschooling support group newsletter back in 2003, when First Daughter was five.  :-)  A little trip down memory lane.....

I know I’ll get a big “Amen!” when I tell you that I ever wonder if my children will grow to be who I am working so desperately for them to be.  Day after day, I feel as if I’m their very own Character Monitor.  That wouldn’t be so bad, but I also serve as their Food Monitor, Sleep Monitor, School Monitor, TV Monitor, Computer Game Monitor, and Friend Monitor.  Every aspect of their lives is monitored by my husband and me. 

To put it bluntly, there are days when I feel like a big, fat failure.  Those are the days when I make myself a homemade Chai Tea (it’s not as good as getting it at Starbucks, but I manage), and disappear into the bedroom when my husband comes home, to watch “Inside the Actor’s Studio” on BRAVO.  I feel so unloved on those evenings.  For me to get to the point where I want to disappear for a while, they have been extremely disobedient, argumentative, and downright grouchy.  And I’ve spent the day correcting, praying, and working with all of that, but after being pounded with it in situation after situation, I start taking it personally.  I feel as if I’m not a good parent, that I am not doing what it takes to really reach them, and that the only way to help them is for me to disappear for a while. 

The other day, my daughter lied to me.  That girl just simply refuses to flush the toilet!  She told me she flushed the toilet when she didn’t.  I didn’t say anything, but sent her to her room since it was naptime, and consulted “For Instructions in Righteousness”. (A great resource, found at www.doorposts.net) What was a good story to read to her to illustrate the consequences of lying?  I chose Adam and Eve.  I read her the story, without any pre-reading sermonizing.  Didn’t even mention her lie, because really, I felt so discouraged.  I didn’t feel I could say anything that would make her mend her ways.  I didn’t even really have any big hope that reading from the Bible would penetrate.  I just read her a story, same as we do everyday before her nap.  But God so encouraged me after I finished reading the story to her.  After I finished, the first thing she said was, “I need to be sorry.”  I asked her why and she said, “For my sin.”  I asked her what sin, and she said, “When I lied to you!”  And we prayed, and she said, “Dear God, Thank You to forgive me for my lie.  Amen.” 

My breath was taken away.  The remorse!  The prayer!  She apologized to me!  And I never said a word.  It was all God’s doing.  Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the Word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

And all along I thought it was all the things I was telling my children, over and over, that was going to change their hearts.  I don’t have to be their Everything Monitor.  I can be what God has meant for me to be all along, which is a vessel for Him, their Heart Monitor.  He’s done all the work for me through His Son and His Word. 

Thank you God, and forgive me for thinking that I could change my children’s hearts without You.

I

Have Thine Own Way

After my last post, I've felt God tweaking my conscience a bit.  I've heard Lynn Anderson singing "I beg your pardon.  I never promised you a rose garden!"  That has been followed up with Hebrews 12:4-11:

“ My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
      Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
       For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
      And scourges every son whom He receives.”

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?  But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.  Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.  Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (NKJV)

Chasten is not a word we use a lot these days.  I had to look it up.  It means "to inflict suffering upon for purposes of moral improvement."  Love this definition: "To rid of excess; refine or purify."

So while I do want good things for my children, more than anything, I want them to become holy.  So please Lord, do as we've all sung so many times in church.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.

Peace

I love this quote by Thomas Paine back in 1776:

"If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace."

What more can be said for the desire that is on all our hearts as parents?

Time to Eat My Words

I've been blogging long enough that I can look back at some old entries and eat my words.  The one that is most on my mind these days is the entry titled Teaching Your Child to Come.  Here's what I wrote:

Reading Michael and Debi Pearl's newsletter this month, I found a wonderful thing that I have put into place here in our home and I am already seeing the fruit!  Here is an excerpt from the article that I read, titled "Training a Child to Come".

 

"When Gracie was first born, every time I picked her up I would say, “Come to mama.”  This simple, cheerful command was conditioning my tiny baby to come to me in response to my voice. She came to associate the command with feelings of being close to me. Even though at one week old she had no idea what “Come to mama” meant, nonetheless, she quickly came to identify the sound, rhythm, and tone of my voice with the pleasure of being drawn to me.  I hoped that after she became mobile and heard my command to come, she would respond without hesitation, and at 22 months of age, it has worked beautifully. And it is a good thing I got the jumpstart on training, because everyone will tell you that Gracie is the most impetuous and independent of all the nine Pearl grandkids."

 

I started doing this with our 7-month-old about three weeks ago.  Everytime I pick him up, I say, "Come to Mama."  Then I give him a big squoosh when I pick him up.  :-)  And now when he's playing on the floor and I want him to come to me, I say, "Come to Mama!" and he takes off across the floor to me with a big ol' smile!  I never had this with our three other kids. 

 

Darin, my husband, has not been saying, "Come to Daddy" when he picks up Henry.  So to test this thing, Darin called to Henry to "Come to Daddy," but Henry did not come without a lot of coaxing.  Then a few minutes later I called for him to come and he came without a moment's hesitation!  Darin is now saying "Come to Daddy" when he picks-up Henry.  ;-) 

 

This little trick worked great as long as Third Son was crawling.  But once he started walking, forget about it!  Do I sound a little bit bitter when I say that I think Gracie is not as impetuous and independent as Shoshonna thinks she is????  ;-)

Life in the Groove

Well.  After a two-month hiatus, I shaved my legs today.  Does that mean that I am officially getting back to normal after Second Daughter's birth?  I don't know.  Maybe I just finally had the time since my Husband took the other four to the zoo today.  ;-)

But I am working on getting back to being that same ol' slave-driving, chai drinking, uptight about the chores Mom that I was before I was thwarted by nausea and sleepiness.  Actually, I don't think I'm THAT uptight.  Well, I'm probably the worst kind of Mom.  I think I'm laid back when I'm really uptight.  I think what it is, REALLY, is that I choose my battles.  I let some things go, while I hold on tightly to others.  We all have to do that, ya? Hopefully I'm holding on tightly to the correct things.

And speaking of holding on tightly.  I am blown away.  Third Son prefers his dad over me.  Waaaah!  He's only 21 months old!  He's supposed to love his mommy best for a few more years, right??????  But if Dad is in the room I can't get him to come to me or even get even a tiny peck on the cheek from him.  He runs to my Husband and jumps on his lap or says, "See me!" which in Third Son language means, "Pick me up!"  This morning I said, "Are you Mama's Boy?"  Usually he would repeat the phrase "mama's boy" back to me, but he didn't this time.  So my Husband said, "Are you Daddy's Boy?" and Third Son faithfully repeated, "Daddy's Boy!"  Waaah and Double Waaah.  ;-)

I have found a new blogsite that I love.  I really enjoy cooking and baking for my family although I will never be a granola-making, bread-baking kinda gal.  I have romantic notions towards that path.  I have often thought about tackling those tasks, but then real life hits me across the face and I never get around to it. 

Anyway, you might already know about this one, but Tammy's Recipes has become one of my favorite places to go.  One of the great features of her site is her 12-week menu plan that she has posted with recipes!  It has been a lifesaver for me while I've been working on getting back into the groove.  Not to mention an inspiration.  Tammy is a busy chica who is always looking for ways to save her family money (me, too!) and she has some good ideas and suggestions.  She has inspired me to start using a clothesline again.  We had one years ago.  I have to wash at least two loads of laundry a day to keep up.  I'll bet that adds up on our electric bill!  We always have a nice wind here in TX.  I plan on taking advantage of it ASAP.

Dishrag Poetry

My Husband is a true Renaissance Man.  He's a complete computer geek who is also quite handy when it comes to home improvements, teaching our son guitar, and writing the occaisional poem.  For Christmas, I had knitted our neighbors some dishrags.  I know, it sounds cheesy, but it's the thought that counts, right?  ;-) 

The first year we were married, my mother-in-law gave me a knitted dishrag at Christmas and I must have been looking at it with that blank expression we all sometimes get because my mother-in-law said, "It's a dishrag."  I had never seen a knitted dishrag before, so I was afraid my neighbors would have the same response.  I asked my Husband if he could compose some sort of poem that would explain to our neighbors what they were receiving along with their cookies, and here is what he wrote.  :-)

Christmas is a time for giving,
So it must mean the neighbors are coming.
So get the milk ready,
The chances are steady
That cookies are forthcoming.

But what else is this they are giving?
Something made by knitting.
It seems a bit small
For a blanket or shawl.
We just don’t know what we are getting.

So let me explain what you have received.
There is no reason to be grieved.
It’s a rag for dishes,
With soap and swishes.
Your plates will certainly be cleaned.

It was knitted with care and love
And thoughts of you to be sure of.
Too pretty to use,
Oh, but please do!
And Merry Christmas from Heaven above.

One Step at a Time

Well, we are trying to work our way back to "normal" around here.  First and Only Husband went back to work yesterday.  Can I say that I can't wait until the day we are independently wealthy and he can stay home all the time?  ;-)  He was able to take a two week vacation and we all just love having him here with us.  He really balances me out.  I have a tendency to get caught up in the tasks that I see all around me and he helps me to chill out a little.  Wasn't it Erma Bombeck who said, "Housework done correctly can kill you?"  If it wasn't for my Husband, I would have been dead long ago.  LoL

I've felt a bit disconnected with the older kids.  It seems I spend all day nursing Second Daughter.  I feed her four or five times during the day when they're up and about and it takes between 30 minutes to an hour to feed her.  That's a huge chunk of time that I'm not spending with them, so  I finally came up with a way to connect with them while nursing.  I have made a date with each of them during the day while I'm nursing and we go into my bedroom and read a book together.  I love it, and they love it.  At breakfast they take dibs on which nursing session they want to go with me to read our book.  That one-on-one time is great for all of us!  :-)