Our kids are very argumentative with Darin and me. There is a lot of "but I....", "first I need to.....", "why?" and "I don't want to" stuff coming back at us at a rate that is much higher and out of control than it needs to be! Well, ANY of that is too much. :-) I think part of the problem here is that Darin and I have ANSWERED their protests. We have been encouraging their unneccesary conversation by arguing back WITH them. Darin and I talked about it last night, and we both realized that we get sucked into this sort of response without even noticing. We are praying about being more diligent in this area, rather than just going with the flow of conversation. We cannot allow the kids to rule in this area!
Most painful for me is the realization that *I* argue back with Darin on many occasions. Growing up, I was one of those "WHY??????" kids. I always had to know why, or I wanted my parents to understand what *I* thought, and so many times kept presenting my view past the time I was allowed. I'm afraid that I have contributed to our problem with the kids right now. A very humbling thought. But I realize that this has transferred over to my adult life, and I can hear myself saying, "But why can't we do this because we need such-and-such?" Darin will respond with a perfectly sane reason for why not, and I continue to push my own idea because I think my idea is also perfectly sane. Well, it may be a perfectly good idea, but if Darin does not think so, then that should be the end of the conversation from me! I should not be pushing it! And I wonder how many times the kids have heard me push things with Darin like that. :-/ I can't even begin to imagine. I am mortified.
God spoke to me about this yesterday as I was reading an article by Reb Bradley. It is titled Blind Spots of the Submissive Wife. So today I have been prayerfully keeping my mouth shut. All those years of "just presenting another side to the argument" is a weight on my back that I am dying to get rid of, but I have allowed this to become such an ingrained habit. This one will be painful to break.
Just last night I wrote this verse into Ben's album, and I think I need to remind myself of it every day as I seek to root out this habit that hurts our family: "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9.
Becca,
ReplyDeleteWe have the same problem with talking back and continual arguing. Funny how God placed it on my heart as well that the problem stemmed from me. I can't remember how many times as a child I would continue to express my "ideas" long after the conversation should have ended! I'll work on the problem with you....we just need to remember to "fight the good fight"!
Julie
http://atmyhearth.blogspot.com/
Even though I've raised 3 other children to adulthood, and should have the hang of this raising children thing, I manage to get suckered into Nicole's arguing with me. It is sooo easy to slide into. You have to be so aware all the time. It gets exhausting! I allow her to express her opinions about things to a limit, and then explain that she must ultimately accept whatever her dad and I decide ---- with a right spirit. And it's happening more & more that she accepts our decisions with a nice attitude. Then there are the other times... We must be persistent to catch the arguing and stop it each time without fail. Consistency is the key! I also have to remember to be patient with Nicole since she is a work in progress and isn't perfect --- just like me!!
ReplyDeleteLove & Blessings!