Job

One of (what I think) my personality flaws is thinking too much.  I just can't bring myself to stop.  I take an issue and dissect it and tear it into as many little pieces as I can in an attempt to get the big picture.  I've been doing that all weekend as I lay here in bed trying to rest from the miscarriage.  I struggle with a few different thoughts.  One in particular is from my theologically unstable upbringing and even though I know better these days, it's hard to shake this one.  And it's as old as Job.  Er....Methuselah?  But it goes back to the story of Job...what did Job's good pals say?  In chapter 8, Bildad said what Job's other friends consistently parrot back to him over and over again throughout the book:

"Does God subvert judgement? Or does the Almighty pervert justice?  If your sons have sinned against Him, He has cast them away for their transgression.  If you would earnestly seek God and make your supplication to the Almighty, if you were pure and upright, surely now He would awake for you, and prosper your rightful dwelling place."

In other words, "Job, your boys were in sin, you are in sin.  You've done something wrong.  That's why you're being punished this way.  Repent and God will make things right for you again."

Ugh.  The first Prosperity Gospel Preachers!  All Job needed to do was write a fat check to someone, right?

So I've been laying here thinking differnt thoughts to myself...I think it's normal to rehash one's life after going through a traumatic experience.  I've been able to look at a few things more honestly and can see areas that need improvement in relation to my trust in God and my attitude toward Darin and the kids and I've promised God I'm going to work harder and smarter.  But those old thoughts keep surfacing.  "God allowed the miscarriage to happen BECAUSE of these issues in my life!"  I've had to give those thoughts back to God.  Who am I to presume to know the mind of God?  I love Susan's comment to my last post:

My first miscarriage (between babies #8 and 9) was similar, with people telling me, "If you'd have prayed harder and done spiritual warfare..." It wasn't until a godly older woman reminded me that life and death are in the hands of God AND God is ALWAYS good that I was able to grieve with hope and peace.

Amen, Susan!  You know, Job never found out the reason why everything that could, happened to him.  God never told him why.  *I* don't ever need to know why we had a miscarriage.  I just need to keep my eyes on Him and not get carried away with trying to think His thoughts for Him.  And isn't it so much easier that way?  Let GOD handle the whys and what-nots.  ;-)