It's All About Me

Before Darin and I felt led to allow God to decide the size of our family, I would look at those large families and imagine the parents of all those kids in some sort of mindless bliss, cranking out kid after kid. Now I am one of those parents, and understand there is no "mindless bliss." As with anything that God leads in, there are tough decisions to make, and many prayers and petitions to be said. It is not always easy to hold on to the vision that God gives because life has a way of hijacking the vision before we realize it.

Darin and I were recently hijacked. We have been struggling. Parenting a large crew is not easy. I don't know if we were trying to recover from the busier holiday season and not doing a very good job of it or what, but we have felt completely unable to do the job that God has given us with our kids and we wondered if we should even leave it open for God to give more. We felt ineffective as parents. Unequipped, over-worked, worn out. The phrase "no rest for the weary" was playing itself over and over in our minds.

What a crossroads-kinda-place to be. We have never struggled like this before and this was new territory for us. So we agreed to pray about it. As I was praying about it one morning while waiting my turn in the shower, God reminded me that it is, indeed, all about me. I knew it all along. ;-)

It's all about my response to the kids when they're bickering.
It's all about my response to the chores that never end.
It's all about my response to the school planning I want to get to but never can.
It's all about my response to the kid's when they choose to disobey.
It's all about my response to a tight budget.
It's all about my response to zero "me-time."
It's all about my response to Darin having to work late.

It's all about me. It's all about my response. It's all about me remembering that when I take all of the hassle personally, and truly make it all about me, I become miserable. I've got Kathy Troccoli's song, "My Life is in Your Hands" going through my head and it really resonates with truth for me these days.

First verse:
Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me

Second verse:
Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way, yes
And I will find my peace
Knowing that you'll meet my every need

The whole song.  :-)