Control Freak

This pregnancy has really slowed me down.  I had a bit of queasiness to deal with for a few weeks.  I have never, ever had any type of nausea or queasiness with my other four pregnancies so I thought that I was exempt from all that stuff.  Surprise!  :-)  But that's gone now, and I am left with the tiredness.  By this time of night I just want to go to bed - not make school schedules and organize school papers or pay bills.

When I'm asked if this is my first pregnancy (heeheehee) and reply that no, it's my fifth, I usually get the same response: "You must be really patient."  No, I'm not the most patient person in the world.  I will not be up for sainthood anytime soon.  The thing that sees me through the ins-and-outs of a big family is learning to let go. 

I have always been a control freak.  I like for events to happen when-planned and as-planned.  Any deviation from that and I can very easily slip into mild hyperventilation that is only cured as I find some aspect of the situation to claim as my own and control.  But as you know, life with kids is hardly something that can always be controlled, and once we got past three to the fourth, I felt that, to a certain extent, I had lost control of life.  Then it occurred to me that I never had the control that I thought I had.  What I've actually supposed to have been doing all along is MANAGING.  Hard to swallow.  It's so much more fun to be in control, eh?  ;-)

As I was thinking of this, I was reminded of the Parable of the Talents .  What did the servants do who were blessed by their master?  They managed the money for their master so that it grew and produced more for him.  The servant who was labeled wicked and lazy was the control freak.  He wanted specific things to happen with that money but was afraid of unknown circumstances that might come along to prevent what he wanted to happen.  So he found a way to control the situation, by doing nothing.  He gave up, put his fingers in his ears, closed his eyes tight and waited until the situation he found himself in passed.  How many times have I been tempted to do that in situations with my kids or homemaking?  Too many to count? 

Giving up control is hard because in our pride we think that we can handle "it."  But when we can "let go and let God"  we will find that He is as He says. "I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed." (Matthew 25:24)  And I have seen that more than once or twice around here.  :-)